How To Deal With A Deadbeat Baby Daddy

Dealing with a deadbeat baby daddy can take you through a mix of complex emotions that will leave you emotionally drained. You’re likely emotionally drained for one of the few reasons.

• Your baby-daddy is free and isn’t being held accountable for his parenting responsibilities while you experience the “motherhood penalty”.
• You carry feelings of guilt and self-blame for not being able to provide a two-parent household for your child to receive the love and care you believe they deserve.
• Although you won’t admit it, you still want your baby daddy and the relationship to work but he doesn’t.

If any of these resonates with you, as they all did for me, you’re not alone. In this post, I’ll share with you my own experience of how to deal with a deadbeat baby daddy. 

But before I share with you how, let me first define what qualifies a deadbeat baby daddy.

What Defines A Dead-Beat Baby Daddy?

A deadbeat baby daddy is someone who doesn’t pursue a continual relationship with their child. It is not someone who

• Recognize boundaries and peace are important and refuse to be manipulated by the mother. 

• Attempts to be part of their child’s life but their involvement is restricted or sabotaged because the mother gets in the way.

• Relocates, have a change of work or are absent due to circumstances beyond their control such as illness or being unable to fully afford or provide for child support, let alone themselves.

A deadbeat father is someone who deliberately avoids or neglects their responsibilities. Again, notice I said deliberately because these are deadbeats who simply don’t care.

They’re unreliable.

They leave all the physical and emotional responsibility to you and won’t bother to lift a finger to make the load lighter. This is what defines a deadbeat father. 

So now that is established, here are a few ways to deal with a deadbeat. 

HOW TO DEAL WITH A DEADBEAT BABYDADDY?

#1 Accept That Your DeadBeat Baby Daddy is Unreliable.

Accepting that your baby daddy is unreliable can be challenging especially if you both were together for some time before you got pregnant. This is often because of one of the few reasons.

1. You allow your strong feelings for him to get in the way.
2. You always envisioned having a family.
3. The thought of being a single mother (assuming you’re together) can be daunting, and starting over is something you don’t want to do, so you settle.

You allow your strong feelings to override the reality that he’s unreliable and that accepting this will kill your hope. I get it. But keep in mind, the signs of him being a deadbeat were there way before he knocked you up, you just overlooked them.

 Rather he showed you signs of immaturity like always making excuses for his actions, overlooking or being unempathetic to your feelings and needs—trust me, sis, the signs were there!

You’re probably thinking, “Well Jordan, I don’t have any other options for support! I don’t have anyone to help me with my child!”

Sure you do, find a way. Mothers always find a way to get things done.

#2 YOU MUST SET BOUNDARIES WITH DEADBEATS

The second way to deal with a deadbeat baby daddy is to set boundaries.

Setting boundaries with your baby daddy is important because they protect your emotional and mental well-being and this creates stability, stability for you and your child. This starts with understanding that your relationship with your child’s father should be strictly business, but his relationship with his child is personal. 

This means he shouldn’t be visiting during inappropriate night hours or staying the night. Setting boundaries also means, that when you interact, you seek ways to minimize it as much as possible and only focus only on your responsibilities, not his.

 The powerful benefit of setting boundaries also draws the line and communicates to him what line he’s not allowed to cross. And yes, baby daddies will try to exercise ownership over you because you have their child.

But by consistently enforcing boundaries, you maintain respect, prioritize your child’s needs and well-being just as much as yours, and give no room for drama or misunderstanding.

#3 DON’T TAKE THE BAIT OF BEING A SABOTAGER. 

The last thing you want to do when dealing with a dead-beat baby daddy is refuse to be a sabotager, regardless of how pathetic he can be.

When I see mothers destroying their child’s relationship with their father whether it’s bad-mouthing them, restricting communication, or failing to share important information about the child’s life, I cringe. This is because when you take the bait of being a sabotager you sow a bad seed that will one day reap a harvest of bitter fruit. Let me explain the principle I discovered about this.

When you understand the law of sowing and reaping, and how this also applies to motherhood, you’ll know that sabotaging your child’s relationship with their father sows a bad seed and hinders you from prospering. You stunt your growth physically, spiritually, and financially. You’ll be stuck

…. living in a repetitive cycle of hate, misery, and bitterness.

….attracting toxic relationships rather than engaging in healthy long-term ones.

Remember, no man is ever worth your peace of mind. Don’t get offended when your baby-daddy refuses to do what’s right concerning his child. His time of reaping just hasn’t come to him yet.

Conclusion

Dealing with a “deadbeat” baby daddy is one of the toughest challenges a single mother can face. Even though it’s emotionally draining and frustrating, it’s crucial to remember that your child’s well-being comes first. You may not be able to control your baby daddy’s actions, but you can take steps to protect and ensure your child has the support and stability they need. Remember, this starts with accepting that your deadbeat baby daddy is not reliable, setting boundaries, and refusing to take the bait of being a sabotager.